Tonight my husband and I were watching the season premier of Bones and at the end she has her baby. There is a scene with her and Booth and the baby. This brought tears to my eyes. And I told my husband - "I want that."
It is strange how certain things are triggers for women who have had miscarriages and losses. I am still learning what mine are. So far they seem random. It is not every baby I see, just certain ones on TV. I have now cried twice at the end of a movie or TV show where someone gives birth.
Thursday will be there first time I will see my friends (many who have children) and I am still undecided who (if anyone) I will tell. Many of them know we have been trying. I am sure at least one will ask how it is going. One of my friends lost her triplets at 20+ weeks, so I know she is one I will feel comfortable opening up to. But will I cry or will I be able to share my story without tearing up? I think a weight will be lifted once at least one close friend knows.
I go about my day, trying to move on as best I can. I still miss my baby and know that there are certain things that will bring the flood of emotions rushing back. For now, I must learn what those trigger are and how to deal with them.
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