Frustrations

This month I was out of town during my most fertile days so that means I am out this month and have no chance of having a 2012 baby. That makes me sad. I am most frustrated that I have to wait about 3 more weeks until we can try again. The frustration is so much higher now that I have actually been pregnant. There are times I cry simply at the fact that I should be pregnant right now - about 15 weeks! As I approach my 41st birthday next week, I am saddened. I never imagined I would be in my 40s and not have a baby! Mother's Day is just around the corner and it is awkward. I am a mother to an Angel Baby. I never got to meet my baby, but I was a mom-to-be for 8 weeks. I think it will be a difficult day. It is impossible for women who have not been through a miscarriage to understand. And I think it is even more difficult for men to understand why we consider ourselves moms even though we never actually had a child. But I carried one inside me. I had hopes and dreams for my child. I feel empty inside.